So as you all know, it’s no secret that me and Tony have decided that were going to try to have a baby. We haven’t told a lot of people about it, b/c we don’t want his mother knowing… we have our reasons, (another blog another time). Here lately a lot of people have asked us when we are going to start, and all I can tell them is it wont be much longer and that I’m ready I’ve just got to get HIM ready :) but in all honestly we’ve been trying since November. I’ve always known that I would have to have help getting pregnant, for a long time now. So when my daddy died in October, me and tony got to talking and we finally came to the conclusion that life is way too short and we don’t know what tomorrow holds, we have talked about a family since we were dating and we knew we both wanted children but we never knew what lied ahead of us. It all started like 2 yrs ago before me and Tony got married. My mother and I went to the doctor to see what was causing my monthly friend to be so random. I was thinking she just didn’t like me as much as she did other women :) Only if that was the case! I talked to my OBGYN about it and she suggested we do a vaginal ultrasound to check for something called PCOS aka Poly Cystic Ovarian Syndrome… it’s a condition where your body never releases an egg and it builds up as a cyst. It’s nothing life threatening or anything, it just prevents me from getting pregnant naturally. We’ll the results from the ultrasound came out positive for PCOS. At that time I wasn’t looking to having children right way, so they treated it with some medicine that would induce my monthly friend, and told me whenever I was ready to start trying to go back and they will discuss my options with me and my husband. We wanted to try for a couple of months before going to see what would happen. When nothing positive came from that we decided it was time to do something else. So we went back, which was January this year, and my OBGYN had left… I was soo upset… but the guy who took her place is just as good as she was. We started talking and he was telling me the options we had and what he wanted to do for us. He gave me some medicine that helps women ovulate. I was suppose to take that for 6 months the way he instructed me… which all these directions for this and that are very overwhelming… it like do this this cycle day then come in for blood work this cycle day to see if the ovulation medicine worked this cycle… well I did that for 5 cycles and when every blood work results were the same after upping my dosage every month more and more, the doctor, me, & tony decided that it was enough with that one b/c it wasn’t helping. Not to mention the side effects of that mess… HOT FLASHES like crazy, loss of sleep, moodiness, and the serious ones of staying on that medicine longer than 6 months was enough to not want to take it… (Ovarian cancer) yeah ive got enough going on with that stuff than to worry about cancer and then NEVER being able to get pregnant. After, all that was said and done, he referred me to a Specialist at Carolina Conceptions. Dr, Bill Meyer… He is the sweetest person I have met. We met with him in June. He was going over all the ultrasound & blood work results and stuff… and told me that my insurance would not cover anything artificial at all. That means no IUI or IVI… which have a higher success rate than the option we had to take. Which the good news (I don’t know if everybody would take it as good news) was that he told us if he had to choose the infertility problem to have it would be PCOS b/c it’s more easily to get pregnant on this one with help. I just laughed at him in my “r u really serious” laugh… b/c I just knew he was saying that. Then he went on to tell me about the path we had to take to get pregnant. The only option we have available to do can only last 3 cycles (which means I can only do this procedure 3 times). I have to take this one medicine for 6 weeks. When the 6 weeks is up im suppose to take the medicine to induce my period. Then on day 1,2, or 3 of my period, I go to Carolina Conceptions (CC) to get an ultrasound to see how thin my cervix is. If it is like it is suppose to be (which yippie… it was this month) then on day 3 I take this different medicine for 5 days, This medicine helps mature your egg(s) (yes I said eggs but lets not hope that happens to me) then after I take that im suppose to go back in and get another ultrasound done to see if it worked or not. If so, then I have to take this self administrated shot that will release the eggs, then you know what happens next. 2 weeks after the shot and me and my husband do the woopie doo.. (LOL) we go back to get a blood pregnancy test done. I’m hoping that it works. If not im going to be devastated b/c I want a child more than anything in this world. Tomorrow I go to CC to get my ultrasound to see if any eggs have matured. I hope and pray that they do.

            I didn’t write this to make people feel sorry for me. I wrote this to let people who have this same condition realize that they are not alone and they shouldn’t feel like they are all alone. I know the feeling, everybody around here is either pregnant or has a baby already, and here I am trying and trying and trying and nothing happens. I am not mad at them they can’t help it. Am I sad? Used to whenever someone would ask me when was it my time, I’d just smile and fake like I was ok with not having one and come up with some lame excuse, but not anymore. I am truly happy for them for their beautiful family, b/c I know one day I WILL have one of my own. I don’t know when or even if it’ll be biologically mine, but my day will come one day. Maybe someone will read this and look at their little miracle and hug and kiss them and be thankful they don’t have to go through all this!