GOD IS MY ROCK!!!!!

Is there such a thing as GOOD NEWS?!?!?!?!?!

Seems like there isn’t here lately. Yesterday I had to go to CC for my baseline ultrasound. I was super stoked that I could start back on trying again. I had some meds to start me off with my injectables, I had the pharmacy stored ready to go when I got out of the office so I could tell them to hurry up and send me my needles and the rest of the prescription. I get back there and they do their usual. She looks at my right ovary and everything is fine.. she counts the little ones just being patient waiting to mature and there was 9… and then she goes to the left side and was like “wow you got a bajillion over here” I laugh a little and she just smiles at me and starts talking about when to start taking my injections. Then out of nowhere the screen gets still and she has this weird look on her face and then she looks at me and says “well you wont have to worry about giving yourself shots just yet” and I was like “ok, what is it?” then she tells me I have a cyst on my ovary, and that until it shrinks or goes away I cant continue with trying… :( I mean for real are you serious… if it’s not one thing its darn other… So they give me birth control to shrink it. I go back in 3 weeks to see if it has shrunk or gone away, if it has then that’s GREAT and we can continue, but if it hasn’t shrunk or has gotten bigger then I cant continue till something happens to get rid of that darn thing, and it could possibly be surgery. All I can do is pray even harder than I have been b/c there is nothing I can really do about it… only time will tell. Just continue to pray you guys. Maybe one day I will write with some good news and not all this Debbie downer stuff :)

Here is the whole story

sorry its so long but i figured why not put it all together instead of multiple ones! here is my process thus far! There will be more to come im sure!

Thursday, September 10, 2009

            I went to CC today to get my ultrasound to see if the follicles have matured. I get called back there and do everything im suppose to do to get ready, and the RN does the ultrasound and there was nothing on the screen.  I was sooo upset. I started to tear up but I pushed it back. It was very upsetting that yet again another month has gone by and nothing has happened, even with help. The RN told me that I wouldn’t need to do another cycle of the Femera and injectable b/c once one cycle don’t work, it wont work the next one. So she told me to come back and talk to the Doc about another option. I have to go back September 21^st. Im praying that he tells us that we can do something else without having to do IUI or IVF, b/c I cant afford them and my insurance wont cover anything of them. Just continue to pray for me and Tony that it will work soon and we’ll get good news before too long. Im just really upset about the whole outcome these past 8 months. Im just putting it in Gods hands and when he sees fit for it to happen then it’ll happen!

Monday, September 21, 2009

            Today I went back to CC to talk about what other option I could do to get preggo. We got called back to see the actual doc this time, and he suggested we do “injectable” hormones. He looked at our charts and everything is fine Tony wise and mine too but getting me to Ovulate is the problem. We had to sit through this little lecture on how to administer the shots. Yea that’s right I said SHOTS not shot! Since the Femera didn’t work last month I am suppose to take one shot a day for 7 days, it’s a hormone that your body produces naturally to help you mature your egg to get it ready to ovulate. I take this on Cycle day (CD) 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, & 9. I go back on CD 10 to get an ultrasound to see if all the shots worked and if so and it’s the right size I am to take another shot to release it so I can ovulate, but if its not quite big enough, I will have to take another kind of shot to hold off on the ovulation so that it can continue to grow. If its ready on CD 10 and I take the shot to release the egg, then ill go back 2 weeks from then and get blood work done and see if im pregnant, however, if I have to take the hold off shot, ill have to go back in like 2 days later to get another ultrasound to see the growth progress and then we’ll continue from there with the release shot. Man im really glad that shots don’t bother me b/c if so I don’t know if I could do all this or not.  :) I really hope this works this time. I am really getting burned out with learning what other options I have to do b/c one won’t work… But im pretty sure we’ll do well on this one b/c the doctor said that the hormone shot is a very potent shot. The only bad thing about all this is, with these shots, the chance of multiples (twins) is 25% per cycle, and with more than 2 (triplets) its 8-9%. You might call me crazy but I want twins the first time. I know ive said this before im sure, but tony and I want more than one child, and we’re not sure if we can do this again with the help of our insurance, and believe me it’s been a costly procedure with just co-pays and class fees.  I can only imagine how much we would have to pay if we were paying out of pocket for everything. So, if we do get lucky and have 2 at one time that will be a really big burden off our chest and an answered prayer from God!

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

            WOW!!!! I just got a call from the pharmacy that is delivering my new prescriptions, and DANG is all I have to say! My insurance did cover it (thank GOD) but my out of pocket expense is … hold on to your keyboard… $279.73… yeah that’s just one month. Man I need a part time job… anybody know of one let me know :) But in the end it’ll all be worth it to see my little bundle of joy finally!

BREAKFAST ON A THURSDAY MORNING

This morning at like 6:30, Tony wakes me up to tell me he cooked us breakfast. He cooked pancakes and bacon… man it was good… he had my plate fixed and my orange juice poured just waiting on me. He is the best ever… Oh not to mention when I get ready to leave for work, he has me a sandwich, ziplock bag of chips, and an apple waiting for me to take to lunch. I love little things he does. Yeah id be jealous too! Just kidding…I’ve read every body’s blogs and they have awesome husband and boyfriends too!! Were just sooo lucky!!!!

Monday, August 31, 2009

HERE IS ONE MORE DAY FOR YA GUYS!          

  Today I went back in to CC to start my 2^nd round of ultrasounds and medicines. They said that everything looked good and that I can start my Femera tomorrow (the meds that mature my follicles). So i’m praying everyday that this month it works. Tony and I were on our way home from eating dinner with some friends and family, and one of the girls we went with was pregnant and is due with twins in October. I just guess it really hit me. Tony just looked at me and told me that he was very proud of me for being so strong for so long after multiple times of being told the bad news over and over and over again. I am very happy for all the ladies who are having a baby right now… I don’t want everyone to think that i’m resentful towards them by any means. It’s a beautiful thing, but it’s hard when you see it all around you all the time and see how easy it is for some and I find myself wondering “why can’t I be like that” but then I snap back into reality and realize that this is Gods plan for me. He doesn’t put on you any more than you can bear, and I know he has a purpose and plan for this. Im praying that his will be done this month and if it’s meant to be it’ll happen.

Thursday August 28th

I know i said that we were going to wait, but we’ve already told some people so might as well let everyone know!

Today made the day that I found out weather or not I was preggo. I went into the docs office, had my blood drawn. Tony was standing there the whole time making faces like it was going to hurt. I don’t know what I would do without him in my life. He is always there to make me smile when my world feels like its all closing in around me. I got a call back from CC around 1:45, I answered, and this is what she said. “Mrs. Pope, this is ladalala (don’t remember her name but it was the nurse) we have your test results back, and unfortunately it was negative.” So, after a single tear feel down my cheek, I wiped it off, and told her thanks, and she was very nice and said that when I get ready to start another cycle to call them.  I don’t know why it upset me so much. It’s not like that was our first, second, or even third time we’ve been told that. Put God will give us the child we’ve been wanting, I just have to trust in him and lean on him b/c its all on his time.

I have been keeping a journal of the days from this day to the present. I will be posting them as soon as i can get around to it, so that everyone will know the progress! Please keep us in your prayers!

I love suprises

Last night when Tony got home from doing a quick run to the grocery store, well he said quick run but it took him like an hour and a half. I was putting up the groceries as he was bringing them he was handing me bags and I wasn’t paying them any attention, until the all white bags I had be using turned into blue. I stopped putting up the groceries and turned around and said “what have u bought now” and he had this huge smile on his face and said “just because its Wednesday and I love you and you deserve it b/c of everything you’ve been going through” well I opened it up and it was a new pocket book and a Yankee candle clean cotton car freshener. He knows I love pocketbooks and Yankee Candles. He is the best in the WHOLE WIDE WORLD!!!!! He knows just how to make my day a whole lot better! Im sooo glad hes mine!

Just thinking about Daddy here lately!

I bought my daddy a MP3 player last year for father’s day b/c that’s what he said he wanted. He has the best taste in music. He is like me he loves anything that has a good beat from blue grass, to heavy metal… but he was more of an old school rock guy himself. I just love the music on it… I mean I could care less for a couple b/c I couldn’t finish listening to them b/c one was actually screaming in parts :). Well, after he died I really wanted it but for some reason I could never find it.(I really think that my brothers took it) well Saturday mama was trying to find some rechargeable batteries and ran across it and gave it to me. Man am im really enjoying listening to his music. I miss him soo much. This month has been really bad for me… I guess its b/c its his birthday this Friday, and he always loved his birthday. I guess that’s b/c he knew I would get him what he asked for even if it meant spending my last dollar. He always did that for us so I felt like I needed to do that for him. Were having a birthday party for him Friday night. He was in a motorcycle club called “Ole Timers” and were having all of them and the family over for hamburgers and hot dogs… I have ordered a cake that has a big huge “Harley Davidson” sign on the top… before we eat were going to go to his grave and let 45 balloons go with a message in there for him… he would have been 45 this coming Friday. I know he would have loved it… he’ll be looking down from Heaven smiling at all of us. I just hope someone finds at least one message and emails us back to let us know where they got them from. I just really wished he was here to celebrate with us. I miss him more and more everyday.